Donald Trump Ate My Lettuce

Hi, hope you enjoy… Click on the image to hear me reading the poem or keep scrolling to read




Donald Trump ate my lettuce. I should maybe point out that the D.T. in question is not D.T. P of the USA, but my pet rabbit. I call him Donald as he has a quiff of a tail, kinda puffy, white with a hint of ginger. It’s more of a blow-over than a comb-over which I suggest is due to its proximity to a certain windy orifice that sits beneath it. You know the one, come on, I’m a polite girl, don’t make me spell it out. OK, OK, it’s the hole hat spouts S.H.I.T and it sits right under that quiff of a tail. And I thought, Holy Mexican Borders Rabbit-Man, you are D.T. P of the USA reincarnated. ‘Cept D.T. P of the USA is not dead… yet.

Notice I say YET. If they can shoot John Lennon, imagine all the people who’d kill for a chance to shoot that rabbit-brain running the world. And as I wrote that, RUNNING the world, I thought, you know if you change the first N in RUNNING to an I and after all, D.T. P of the USA is all about the I, me, me, me then you have RUINING. D.T. P of the USA is ruining the world.

I tried explaining this to D.T. rabbit over lunch but he’s not hot at spelling and while I hopped off to fetch a pen to really spell it out, Donald Trump Rabbit ate my lettuce right off my plate. One of my sanctimonious 5 a day gone.

Donald Trump Rabbit and D.T. P of the USA have more things in common that puffy quiffs. Donald Trump rabbit is fond of bullets. Lifts his quiff of a tail and shoots ’em out like black gold. If he could vote he’d definitely be pro-guns. Bullets are his thing. It’s his one power over me. No matter where he is those bullets just keep coming. I’m thinking of setting up a target at the end of the garden. A picture of a Mexican rabbit and watch D.T. Rabbit shoot off BANG, BANG, BANG!

And then there’s the women. You know what they say about buck rabbits. Donald Trump Rabbit has a thing for the ladies. Just comes right up to them, no foreplay, no bunches of buttercups and just goes at it, like it’s his god-given rabbit right. But the girl rabbits have brains. They see he doesn’t go for cats so they’ve started a collective, making pussy hats outta giant daisy chains, winding them around and around, suppressing their ears and making fake ears out of thorns, so now, if Donald Trump rabbit should try and jump them, we know and they know, DONALD TRUMP IS GONNA GET PRICKED!

by Caroline Juskus